WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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