why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
