it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
