Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
