i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
