You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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