he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
