I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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