terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
