if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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