Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
