I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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