Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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