I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
