I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
