a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
