I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
