Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
