dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
