remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
