Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
