On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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