guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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