HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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