i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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