i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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