Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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