it's too hot outside to masturbate.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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