So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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