I got chris browned last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
