Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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