i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
