some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
