Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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