I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
