Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
