im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
