Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
