just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
