You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This toilet bowl is my home.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
