Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
