Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
