what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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