I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize