i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
