Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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