In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize