This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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