Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
