He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
