theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I deserve this hangover.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
