I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
