You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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