His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to sanitize my soul.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
