woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
