All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
