just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
