Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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