she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
