I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do herpes really smell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
