the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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