Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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