I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
