hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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