OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
