I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
