yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
