What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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