I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Shame is for Republicans.
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