she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
