I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
