Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
