I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
