I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize