xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
