I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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