and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
