i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
