using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
