: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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