pop tarts are not kleenex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
