Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You don't make any sense
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